Open Letter to a Potential Date Rapist

Posted on: January 29th, 2013 at 10:19 am by

missed-connection-drug

Most “Missed Connections” living on Craigslist are populated by star-crossed city dwellers who couldn’t muster the courage to ask someone out. What follows is the polar opposite. And scary, at that. If true, this open letter to an unnamed “Scumbag” is all sorts of messed up. It would appear an East Villager was Roofied at Lit Lounge the other night…

Scumbag,

When I woke up in my apartment this morning and had no idea how I got home, my first thought was: wow, I am hilariously terrible at drinking. Then I remembered that I’m not, and that not only did I not drink anywhere near enough to feel the way that I did, but I had absolutely no idea how I got home. Almost 24 hours later, I still haven’t really gotten out of bed — thanks for putting something in my drink you absolute piece of shit.

My only comfort is that my door was chained when I woke up, so I know that I was alone and that your shitty plan didn’t work out. I guess it probably went awry somewhere right around the part of the night when you told me that you were going to go “do coke with your friends in the bathroom” and I said “gross” and turned away from you. I saw you watching me later on, right around the time I would imagine the drug started to kick in, because that’s about the last thing I remember. You were talking to another girl, did you bring enough for both of us? (If you’re that girl, feel free to email me.)

You weren’t wrong, by the way; you definitely would have needed to drug me HEAVILY if you wanted to fuck me; too bad it didn’t work out for your bullshit New Jersey 70s psych rock ass. Yes I’m pretty, but I’m also really fucking smart, funny, and have a big, pulsing heart. I am good, and you are gross. I guess you know that about yourself, though, or you wouldn’t have slipped me fucking horse tranquilizers.

Something is DEEPLY FUCKING WRONG WITH YOU if you KNOW that in order to fuck someone, you need to render them unconscious. You should probably fucking work on that. Consent is, actually, the BEST part about having sex with someone — it’s a real trip when two people mutually decide that they want to roll around naked together, you should try it sometime.

If I ever see you again I am going to rip your fucking heart out of your chest, Mortal Kombat style, and hang it from a telephone wire in the East Village next to some fucking sneakers.

Also, FUCK the East Village.

Recent Stories

Con Artist entrance, May 2011
The Con Artist Collective Celebrates 5 Years on Ludlow Street

Con Artist is one of the few businesses on Ludlow Street in Hell Square that still caters to creativity. Something other than nightlife. What began as an ambitious basement workshop and thrift boutique in 2010 (formerly home to The Cast), is now a fully-fledged artist collective with storefront workspace and a membership counting in the […]

citizenm-water
CitizenM and the Curious Case of Water Waste on the Bowery

With Earth Day having just passed this week, the time seemed ripe to call attention to water waste down at the CitizenM project site on the Bowery. Ever since the towering permiter of plywood was erected at the corner of Delancey, the developers have been piping in water from the nearby fire hydrant for earth-moving efforts. […]

tenement-museum-2015
The Tenement Museum is Crowdfunding to Help Preserve 97 Orchard Street

Apparently the Lower East Side Tenement Museum is in desperate need of care. The institution is deteriorating from the inside out, and requires a boatload of cash to keep the facility in workable shape. So, the museum is currently in crowdfund mode, soliciting funding to help preserve its prized mid-block building at 97 Orchard Street. […]

Photo: Hester Street Fair
Hester Street Fair Kicks Off 6th Season Tomorrow

Now in its sixth iteration, the Hester Street Fair is welcoming the neighborhood back, with the promise of “New food! New vendors! New look! Same awesome vibe…” Once again, the corner of Hester and Essex Streets will corral local biz into a fancy farmer’s market, but it’s not setting up shop for the whole weekend. This […]

Photo: GVSHP
Report: CB3 Member Who Accused Gigi Li of ‘Racial Insensitivity’ is Booted

It appears Community Board 3 doesn’t want members to vocalize concerns about its controversial policies and actions. Ayo Harrington, whose whistleblowing crusade against Chair Gigi Li last year netted headlines, is no longer part of the advisory board. Appointments to Community Board 3 were announced earlier this week by Borough President Gale Brewer and her […]

  • Annoyedlessider

    Perhaps it is time for cb3 to stipulate that groups of guys not be allowed in bars!