Open Letter to a Potential Date Rapist

Posted on: January 29th, 2013 at 10:19 am by


Most “Missed Connections” living on Craigslist are populated by star-crossed city dwellers who couldn’t muster the courage to ask someone out. What follows is the polar opposite. And scary, at that. If true, this open letter to an unnamed “Scumbag” is all sorts of messed up. It would appear an East Villager was Roofied at Lit Lounge the other night…


When I woke up in my apartment this morning and had no idea how I got home, my first thought was: wow, I am hilariously terrible at drinking. Then I remembered that I’m not, and that not only did I not drink anywhere near enough to feel the way that I did, but I had absolutely no idea how I got home. Almost 24 hours later, I still haven’t really gotten out of bed — thanks for putting something in my drink you absolute piece of shit.

My only comfort is that my door was chained when I woke up, so I know that I was alone and that your shitty plan didn’t work out. I guess it probably went awry somewhere right around the part of the night when you told me that you were going to go “do coke with your friends in the bathroom” and I said “gross” and turned away from you. I saw you watching me later on, right around the time I would imagine the drug started to kick in, because that’s about the last thing I remember. You were talking to another girl, did you bring enough for both of us? (If you’re that girl, feel free to email me.)

You weren’t wrong, by the way; you definitely would have needed to drug me HEAVILY if you wanted to fuck me; too bad it didn’t work out for your bullshit New Jersey 70s psych rock ass. Yes I’m pretty, but I’m also really fucking smart, funny, and have a big, pulsing heart. I am good, and you are gross. I guess you know that about yourself, though, or you wouldn’t have slipped me fucking horse tranquilizers.

Something is DEEPLY FUCKING WRONG WITH YOU if you KNOW that in order to fuck someone, you need to render them unconscious. You should probably fucking work on that. Consent is, actually, the BEST part about having sex with someone — it’s a real trip when two people mutually decide that they want to roll around naked together, you should try it sometime.

If I ever see you again I am going to rip your fucking heart out of your chest, Mortal Kombat style, and hang it from a telephone wire in the East Village next to some fucking sneakers.

Also, FUCK the East Village.

Recent Stories

Spying the Street Art Inside the New TAO-Chris Santos ‘Vandal’ Project on the Bowery

This co-opting of street art to sell gentrification and upscale living is out of control. It’s clear the show is over when clueless institutions like the Hotel Indigo hire “artists in residence”; or real estate nimrods plan insensitive parties in the South Bronx with graffiti and bullet-riddles vehicles front-and-center; or when nightlife bigwigs at the […]

Brooklyn’s Brunswick Cafe Shutters Clinton Street Location

First Rosella, then Brunswick; both failures within two years on Clinton Street. Bluebird principal Alex Hall, who’s also behind both Java joints, is done with 23 Clinton Street. His latest cafe concept – Brooklyn import Brunswick – failed to gain traction with the Lower East Side community. The establishment is now officially closed after barely […]

Photo: Daily News
Disgraced Former Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver Convicted on All Corruption Charges

Disgraced former Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver, hailing from the Grand Street political block of the Lower East Side, was found guilty yesterday in the ongoing federal corruption trial. The jury convicted the crooked 71-year-old politician on seven counts of honest services fraud, extortion, and money laundering. He’s now forced to forfeit his seat in the […]

Ridley’s Landmark Building on Grand Street Goes for Rooftop Appendage in Residential Conversion

​Where the historic Ridley & Sons department store once stood on Grand Street, change is afoot. The westernmost structure in the complex – abutting the Pink Building – is on the docket for rooftop addition. Bromley Caldari Architects PC is the architect of record on the project, which includes a 900 square-foot addition atop the […]

Yep Tour, a Textbook Case of Illegal Chinatown Bus Operations

Yep Tour illegally operates a Chinatown bus route out of the Lower East Side. We’ve seen this before. As previously disclosed, the company does carry a permit with the Department of Transportation, but it was issued with the Brooklyn location in mind (6010 8th Avenue). Their egregious actions around the neighborhood are rarely in check […]

  • Annoyedlessider

    Perhaps it is time for cb3 to stipulate that groups of guys not be allowed in bars!