Subway Cell Phone Etiquette Pondered
The annoyance quotient on city subways is entering uncharted territory. With cell service coming soon to stations near you, those days of relative silence amidst a filter of white-noise are concluding. That forced blackout from the world for a few minutes during the week was always welcomed. Yet in due course, we can likely expect straphangers of all types to yap away ad nauseum.
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In response, Restless recently compiled a handy (and hilarious) list of proper subway cell phone etiquette, which we’ve republished below. Now this is something we can support!
- If a cellphone user drops their phone on the platform, you should “accidentally” kick it onto the tracks.
- If an oblivious, gesticulating cellphone user has their arms ripped off by an arriving train — and they do not have a Bluetooth thing clipped to their ear — find the nearest pay phone, call 911, and report that someone has vandalized a train.
- If they DO have a Bluetooth, ask them to call 911, then feel free to be amused at the hands-free irony of the situation.
- If a cellphone user is talking at you from a foot away like you’re invisible, summon your most deadly germs and cough directly in their face.
- If they persist in talking at you, unleash a loud stream of curses at them with your hand cupped over your ear as if you’re on the phone. If they express irritation, look offended and say “Could you mind your own business? I’m talking to my mom!”
- If all else fails, douse them with the Cellphone Repellent pictured below — armadillos don’t belong in the garden, and cellphones don’t belong in the subway!
Yup, we might expect something directly from the scenes of Trigger Happy TV…