Ben & Jerry’s Should Create These Lower East Side Inspired Flavors [LISTS]

Posted on: November 19th, 2013 at 11:12 am by
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You’d have to wake up pretty early in the morning to sneak a new Ben & Jerry’s flavor past us. The latest, an homage to Anchorman, was recently released in the city. A marketing stunt precursor to the release of Anchorman 2. Anyway, “Scotchy Scotch Scotch” is the new flavor, and you better believe it will go down into our belly.

But more importantly, this made us think about petitioning the Vermont boys to create a Lower East Side-inspired pint. Here are five flavors that should be discussed at the next board meeting:

Gentrifi-cake-tion

Vanilla ice cream “loaded” with chunks of lackluster red velvet cupcakes. Instead of $5.99, this pint is an inflated $29.99.

Taylor Mead’s MorAss

A tribute to the late Lower East Side artist, this cheeky flavor is not only a nod to Mead’s role in the Andy Warhol film, but also to the complex issues that surrounded his living situation on Ludlow Street prior to his passing. An uncompromising Dewar’s scotch-based flavor (Mead’s go-to liquor), with swirls of honey and cashews.

Hell Squares

A pint of chocolate ice cream, over-saturated with squares of boozy chocolate, swirls of bourbon caramel sauce, and douchebaggery. Can only be consumed after 4am Thursday through Sunday.

Lights Out LES

Hurricane Sandy inspired, this dark chocolate pint packs a powerful punch, providing heat with cayenne pepper, and illumination with white chocolate flashlights. A portion of the proceeds go to Sandy Relief efforts, naturally.

Hanksy Panksy

A shout out to the punny Lower East Side street artist, this ice cream is stuffed with “Big” ingredients: triscuits and biscuits, soda pop, vanilla on the top. May or may not contain Ghostbuster Bluth chips. Must be eaten on the sly.

Got any LES flavor ideas for Ben & Jerry’s? Leave ’em in the comments.

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