Use This Handy Template to Play ‘Gentrification Mad Libs’

Posted on: September 11th, 2015 at 10:22 am by

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100 Montaditos post-closure, November 2014

With all the pay-to-play websites out there, many reviews for new bars – in any neighborhood – tend to get monotonous and derivative. We’re looking at you, Urban Daddy. Rising rents and the constant transition of city storefronts (i.e. gentrification) creates an endless supply of hopefuls who ride the short-lived PR wave until it breaks. That’s why this post by Max Chanowitz on Medium is so apt.

It’s essentially a “gentrification Mad Libs” for the “New Bar in [Town].” Pretty funny. Below is an excerpt from the article:

Who else is excited for the new cocktail bar?

I’m talking about the one opening up in [historical building] in [up-and-coming neighborhood]. If you haven’t heard the buzz on [local news site] or [social media place], it’s time to crawl out from under that rock, because it sounds like it’s going to be [hyperbole].

It’s a new venture by [notable local restaurateur], the owner of [famous upscale bar], [spin-off of famous upscale bar], and [spin-off of the spin-off] — so you know it’s going to be good. The bar will feature inventive cocktails with a local twist, including hand-made [ingredient] from [local boutique food business]. There will also be a limited food menu of “small bites”, including such delights as [unexpected meat] sliders and Sriracha [something].

The new bar is taking over the space that used to house [charming yet now-defunct local business]. [Said business] was a much-loved fixture in [neighborhood] for decades, providing [charming yet outdated product] to the local community. The owner, [beloved immigrant with heartwarming success story] who inherited the business from his father, shuttered the store last year, explaining that [the charming product was too old-fashioned to sell to mainstream consumers, yet not old-fashioned enough to sell to hipsters] meant that the store could no longer be economically viable.

Read the full version here.

[h/t Shawn Chittle]

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