Mr. Lower East Side Pageant Returns to the LES Next Month
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Mr. Lower East Side Pageant, January 2014
Brooklyn is so last February. So, after a year in exile, the wildly popular Mr. Lower East Side Pageant is returning to its namesake neighborhood. This year’s penis-fest – the seventeenth annual installment – will be held next month at the Slipper Room on Orchard Street.
With its regular schedule of burlesque programming, this venue choice is a match made in heaven. “The show must go the fuck on,” organizer and elf girl extraordinaire Rev Jen Miller quipped to us. No more cramped basement gazing like at Cake Shop…
The show’s format will remain the same. Dudes will show up and compete in the following categories: A 1-minute talent competition, a swimsuit competition, eveningwear and question and answer.
All women and gay men are given ballots and invited to judge. The votes are then tabulated on the Ballsack 3000 and a winner is announced.
Last year’s winner (whose name I can’t actually remember) will likely be giving up his crown (which comes complete with a detachable bong) in the most exciting event of the year. The chosen monarch will also receive a slice of pizza from Rosario’s, a six-pack of Budweiser, and the knowledge that he has been chosen by the people. Runner-up will receive the dubious honor of Mr. Tribeca, and will get to wear a smaller vagina-shaped crown throughout the year. The second ever Mr. Gowanus will get a crown of tinfoil. There will also be prizes given for “best male tits,” “congeniality” and “best nutsack.” Special performances by past Mr. Lower East Sides and musical acts will make the night especially magical. Bands TBA.
Save the date: March 21 at 9pm.